Those Within
by InfidelSpork
Summary: Hohenheim contemplates news from Trisha. A look at how he deals with the guilt of his past and the present. Spoilers for key points in the manga plot. Rated T for brief mentions of adult themes and just to be safe.


Note: Recently I discovered that they are not nearly enough Hohenheim and Trisha fics. So I decided to contribute and hopefully more will. All comments are appreciated to improve my writing. Enjoy reading!

Those Within

Hohenheim was lost in his own thoughts and the thoughts of the thousands inside of him. Needless to say he couldn't comprehend what was happening inside of him much less his surroundings. Trisha was speaking to him but he could barely hear it. She had just told him she was pregnant. He had fathered a child with this beautiful woman. He felt undeserving of this woman's passion; much less a life growing stronger inside her.

At his lowest he felt as though he was a monster in the form of a man. He felt guilty even today for what happened to the people of his homeland. He knew he wasn't entirely a monster, he hadn't committed the horrible act himself, but his blood had given the one who did life. All those people murdered by a tiny being inside of a flask, a homunculus. Their souls keeping his body at the same exact age he had been when the taboo was committed. Outside he looked to be young and full of life but inside he felt like a very, very old man. Human minds were not meant to tolerate this many 'lives'.

For innumerable years he kept tabs on the homunculus. Watching his movements but to hardly any gain. He only had theories about its future plans. He never wanted to see the homunculus again, for the thing had also stolen his appearance during the transmutation that stole the lives of the people of Xerxes. The creature had also given him an 'immortal' body as a thank you for his blood that had given it life. A Philosopher's Stone writhed within him with every passing day as a reminder. But he knew the day would come when they'd come face to face again and it would be a fight to the death.

The voices of that Stone shouted within with Trisha's news; some of happiness and some of bitter sadness that Hohenheim was still able to enjoy life and they could not. He was honestly tired of having an audience to his mind and his life. Every private moment of his life was internally like he was on a stage. Perverted male souls made snide comments as he made love to Trisha. He didn't want them to see his woman like that through his thoughts. _His woman_, he thought almost bitterly. _Who is now pregnant with my child. Can I be a father, even as this monster?_ His thoughts continued in a haze and only a moment or so had passed since Trisha's news. Sure, he was happy. In fact, he was joyous at the fact that he now had a family and love; both things that all humans crave for during their lives.

He lifted his head out of his hands and looked at Trisha who had grown quiet. She smiled warmly and held out her hand. Hohenheim hadn't said a word to her since she had told him. He tentatively put his hand in hers and looked into those warm eyes and was mesmerized by that even warmer smile. Her hair was nearly loose; the hair tie was as the very tips of her hair. She had recently taken to this style. His thoughts ran wild as he remembered all their times on their walks when she'd complain about the wind and her long hair batting her in the face. She'd always contemplate a solution to this problem because she knew he liked her hair down and over her lovely shoulders. He guessed she had finally found it. This would be a walk he'd never forget.

He would never understand how she openly accepted him into her life. She knew his secrets and the truth of what he really was. But she had always passed it off, and insisted that he was a man not a monster. She would insist that she was a woman in love with a man. How Hohenheim longed to be a mere man for her.

Hohenheim's thoughts came back to the present suddenly. Trisha was bringing his hand up to her face. She held it up against her cheek before giving his palm a small kiss. Hohenheim's stomach fluttered at her touch and heat pooled within him. He cursed himself for thinking of Trisha like that at a moment like this. He was a gentleman after all. Controlling his thoughts, he was startled as she brought his hand down to her belly and spread his palm flat against it. He concentrated so deeply that his brow furrowed. He quickly changed his expression to not frighten Trisha. She hadn't started showing yet at all but he immediately felt the tiny life within her, literally. He had thousands of souls within him, so naturally he recognized the trace of life within her.

He looked at her with awe. He had studied and read about pregnancies in the evolving medicine of all his centuries but he never thought he'd be so amazed by it when he actually encountered it this intimately. True life was something that not even alchemy could create. Sure, the homunculus was alive in its own way. But it didn't have a mother and a father that created it between their bonds of love. It never had a mother to develop inside of and it wasn't born from a woman and cared for. It was never an innocent child.

He suddenly felt sorry for the homunculus. He felt overwhelmingly sorry for the creature and the souls raged in absolute anger. _It took our lives from us. Our hopes, our dreams, our families; how could you feel sympathy for it?_ A woman snarled the loudest within him. _Because it never had a mother and a father to teach it that what it did was wrong._ Hohenheim answered solemnly. It was at that moment he decided he would teach this life within his lover. He would teach it everything about the world, life, and his past. He would be a father and he would be there every step of the way for Trisha.

If only Van Hohenheim knew he'd someday forget that promise. He would forget to teach them the most important lesson of all. The taboo of human transmutation. His desire to grow old with Trisha and a solution to that problem outweighed everything else. He didn't know he'd take so long to return home and be too late to finish that promise to himself.


End file.
